Kuwaitblogs 101.

25Jul07

1. The Language-Challenged Blogger:
This is the category of bloggers who have trouble differentiating between languages, e.g. “I got into a car accident oo Ri7t ma5far Shamiya ilyom.” Writing a word or a sentence to refer to a specific person, place or thing in Arablish is fine, but writing the whole post – think several paragraphs – is just plain retarded. There is something wrong when your posts need subtitles. There are over 6,800 languages in the world, pick one and stick to it instead of using every other symbol known to humankind.

2. The Mixed Case Syndrome Blogger:
Bloggers who think writing half the letters in caps is cool and rebellious, e.g. “PuRgAtoRy NeEds HeLp.” There is a reason the letters are automatically lowercased; if you are unable to see the difference, please remove the shift button from your keyboard. It is annoying, illegible, unnecessary, and adds completely nothing to what you are trying to say. Anyone who capitalizes the second letter in a word should be assaulted multiple times to the head with an old keyboard (with the exclusion of Apple Fanboys).

3. The YouTube Leech Blogger:
This caption is under the handful of bloggers who place videos from YouTube in every other pathetic post. So you enjoyed the video of the kid screaming “Bloooood”? How about you write something significant after posting the video of the ninety-year-old guy dancing the Macarena in his birthday suit? Now, there are some interesting videos on YouTube that get forwarded across the globe through emails and Facebook messages. But at the end of the day, the previously hilarious clip gets worn out pretty quickly. The whole thing is overplayed, overdone and overused to such an extent that you find yourself gasping for something genuine. It is acceptable if someone refers to what is in the video they posted i.e. a song, play, etc. and relates it to their post’s subject, but if the entire post is made up of embedded text; you might as well be killing kittens.

4. The Resurrected Blogger:
Scores of bloggers claim to quit and then come back a week later. If you want to quit, stop posting. Do not be a Drama Queen by announcing a tearful goodbye to the blogosphere about your final virtual days and then return because your so-called loyal readers (read: nagging do-nothings) missed you. Chances are the same people who miss you will have forgotten you in about a week. As for the people who claim to quit just to see how many comments they will get: you need to find a new hobby or rather, a life. This goes double for the people who over dramatize it with cliché phrases like “Blogging changed my life!” and “I’ll never forget you guys!” before they bounce right back in after a short period of time with an equally sappy and subtly arrogant “I missed the blogging me! Did you?”

5. The Déjà Vu Blogger:
Many bloggers write about the same topic as every other blog without adding something new to the mix. We know that legalizing alcohol was an April’s Fool’s joke. We know that Virgin was shut down by the government due to unrelated circumstances. Unless you add your own take on the issue at hand, it is just another useless post. Nobody wants to hear or see it unless there is something new and authentic inside. And yes, it is your own blog and you can post whatever you want whether it is spanking new or stale news. But that is the catch see; it is your blog, why not put in the extra effort and really make it your own?

6. The Stereotypical Kuwaiti-Blogger:
Villa Moda, The Avenues and Marina Mall sums up about 95% of most of these individuals’ posts. And for the record, I do not care much for the display picture that shows 10% of your oh-so shiny and lush hair as a way to entice and allure their readers to think, “My, who is this wonderful mystery of a being!” Either write something worth reading or grab your glittered cell phone and spill all to your best friend who probably might be just as disinterested as the readers who indifferently skim your latest post for a maximum of 45 seconds.

7. The “I am not a stereotypical” Kuwaiti-Blogger:
Yes, we know that the culture does not understand you, and well, we just do not care. Go ahead and write about how nobody really “gets you” or how no one really knows where you are coming from or how every single person you encounter is a downright hypocrite. At the end of the day, no one is as big a hypocrite as you are. And please do not post about wanting to leave Kuwait because it is boring and you would much rather spend time playing pool in a shoddy little bar in Wichita. We know that life here is mind-numbing and we too take a break from the rut we call living. The way I see it is that you have two choices: you either leave for good or suck it up and deal. Right now, you might be boasting about your bright plan to quit everything before packing up your bags and taking off. The thing is kiddo, both you and I know that you are not as ballsy as you think you are so save yourself a few hours of sleep and stop daydreaming about Neverland since the probability of you basking in the glorious sunshine of Libertyville is zero to null.

8. The Tagging Blogger:
You smoked one cigarette in your life, crashed a car and took off without telling anyone and you also enjoy long, romantic walks on the beach? James Dean would be so proud of your rebellious stance on life and the fact that you adore the color red. I found more interesting information in spam and chain emails than I do in tags. Then again, one thing everyone loves to do is find a way to talk about themselves. Since we are all Narcissists disguised under innocently constructed personas, tagging allows you to do just that without being creative whatsoever since the only thing you rely on is your memory and typing skills.

9. The All-Day blogger:

Post 1: 9am – I had breakfast, it was good.
Post 2: 9.15 – I took a shower, it was good.
Post 3: 9:30 – I got dressed, it was fun.
Post 4: 9:45 – A stranger came into my room. He said his name was “K” and that he is a blogger. He is choking me right now. This may be my last breath. If not, I will tell you all about my near death experience after fifteen minutes, as always.

10. The Misspelled Blogger:
Even if they had Miriam-Webster toilet paper, some bloggers would still be unable to spell for shit. A word of advice? If you see squiggly red lines under the words you type, refrain from clicking on the “Publish Post” option.

*This post is dedicated to L for proofreading/editing seventeen different variations.



81 Responses to “Kuwaitblogs 101.”

  1. 1 Я

    LOL….now this should grab an award. You made my day. 🙂

  2. 2 Farah

    Which bloggers are you talking about?? 😉

  3. 3 k

    Я:
    Thanks .. if only they offered a Kuwait-blogs award (hint hint Nibaq).

    Farah:
    Pretty much everybody and nobody in specific .. I personally fall under the following categories (3, 6, 7, 8 )

  4. looool! This is hilarious!

  5. A very entertaining and interesting post. But i couldn’t help think which categories applied to me and i couldn’t help placing some bloggers into those categories. 🙂

  6. 6 Purgatory

    I am happy I made it in the list, no one else was mentioned by name, thank you K for energizing my day 🙂

  7. Well, funny and I found “bits of me” in some of these categories… what bout you – Where does your blogging skill actually fall under!

  8. 8 N.

    lol! These are good, I also think I pretty much fall into all these categories depending on mood lol. I posted something very similar a while ago. It was mainly about the type of blog posts!

  9. 9 Spikey

    loooool…good one…

    I go under 7 and 10 :P…

    for 10…sometimes i just type too fast i forget to check…and plus there are some words i dont care how i spell… :P….

    oh well…great post actually…this is good

  10. I like N’s version better. Yours just seems angry.

    AnD pPL wHo tYPe LiKe THiS ShoULD DiE!

  11. That was one of the best breakdowns I’ve read in a long time.
    Great job ! 😀

  12. 12 k

    Marzouq:
    You know you are #9 .. 😉

    Laily_q8:
    Thanks .. there are some bloggers that fit into those specific categories; half the fun is finding out who.

    Purgatory:
    You’re so vain, I’ll bet you think this post is about you Don’t you? Don’t you? I actually have a shoutout for someone else, but they wanted money instead, capitalism at its finest.

    chikapappi:
    Thanks .. I have committed the following: 3, 6, 7, 8

    N.:
    Well my post is better! You need to be on Safat .. then I would have read it and copied it (like #5) instead of wasting my time writing this one. 😉

  13. Wow that’s a lot of pent up blogger aggression! 🙂

    You missed a couple of categories though:
    1) Political rebel blogs
    2) Sappy Arabic poetry blogs
    3) All things fashion-related blogs
    4) Short fiction writer wannabes

  14. 14 k

    Spikey:
    Thanks .. check the post before you write it! There are no excuses!

    EniGma:
    I began writing this post on and off since February .. some posts got the best of me. 🙂

    mathew:
    Thanks! I have something similar in the works.

    1001nights:
    I relieve stress through writing .. most of my posts are pissed off, it allows me to be a better person in real life. I made the list with the redundant blogs that have become the norm .. I usually don’t read Arabic/political blogs so they fell off my radar,

    As for the fashion blogs … there is only one I check out (or know of), Kuwait-Style, and its quite good.

  15. 15 Anonymous Coward

    Even though most Kuwaiti blogs are in English, they have negligible impact on the society. On the other hand, blogs in Arabic are less common, but they have a strong following, and sometimes have a direct effect on events in the country (ie: orange revolution, the fight against Ali Al-Khalifa).

    Most who blog in English come from private schools, they consider themselves “elite” and “sophisticated”, but then their blogs are usually on the shallow side.

    Those who did not have the “honor” to be educated in one of the ASKs or ESKs etc.. have more creative blogs that are more relevant to Kuwait, especially to its politics.

    So… How come?

  16. 16 Purgatory

    Every post is about me, the way it should be.

    In the words of a famous boy band:

    I want to see you, see you now, even the one second we are apart

  17. 17 Я

    Good idea about the Q8i Blog Awards. Best Design, Best Ranter, Best Flunkie, Best Drama Queen..etc..etc..

    Oh man..Purg is a boy band fan. What has this world come to?

  18. Great Post, mit min il thi7ik. I JuSt cAme acRosS it Now wiTh mY MoRniNg coFfe. I was going to quit blogging, but after reading your post, I realized that blogging changed my life. BTW Virgin got shut down. I always go there to Marina, but going to Virgin on Oxford Street is way better. I’d tag you if I had a decent tag.

    🙂

  19. 19 k

    Anonymous Coward:
    Interesting question ..

    In actuality, there are more Arabic blogs than English ones. But since they are limited to certain sites (like jeeran), people are not as aware of their existence. The English blogs in Kuwait follow the same formula as blogs worldwide (blogspot, wordpress) and attract more readers (through mainstream media); since they are easier to find. The Arabic blogs that follow the mainstream formula, will get more attention than their Arabic counterparts.

    As for English/Arabic posts: If I were to write a political post, I would most likely write it in Arabic to target the most readers (Kuwaitis/Arabs). By writing my ‘satirical’ posts in English I will get more worldwide readers.

    I am just scratching at the edge .. there are several other explanations (and rebuttals) for your question .. but since this probably isn’t the best place to discuss it (being in the comments sections of a different post and all).. you can email me.

    Purgatory:
    I want a set of titanium lug nuts from Tokyo .. do me proud.

  20. 20 k

    Don Veto:
    LOL! You just need too add a youtube video to that comment, you would officially be my worst commenter! 😀

  21. I was going add a youtube link to but I did not want the spambot to block my comment 😉 Great post, again.

  22. 22 Sushi

    # 11. The Cynic (ti7il6om):

    You are angry inside and filled with hate, and hey- let’s face it the blog is running dry of ideas, and people enjoy reading bitter cricisim, so you write a whole post on people’s misfortunes, hoping to come across as the funny bitter comedian and personality with an edge.

    *I come in peace* =o)

  23. 23 k

    Don Veto:
    Thanks .. your comment made my day.

    Sushi:
    Lol .. that actually describes me quite well, I should add it to the post. 🙂

  24. I would tell you you’re fantastic, but you already know it.

  25. 25 k

    Tooomz:
    The inner superego keeps my self-esteem sky high at all times .. but thanks for the reassurance.

  26. 26 Anonymous Coward

    K, thanks for your reply.

    The Kuwaiti blogs that I was talking about are the ones who are listed on safat.kuwaitblogs.com. Of course, this site does not list all Kuwaiti blogs that exist out there, but I beleive they are a good representative.

    My observation (which could be just pure luck), is that if you go to a blog in Arabic, then most likely it would about a local political issue. If you click on a random English blog, then most likely it would be one of the 10 categories that you mentioned.

    I am not convinced about your argument on “worldwide target audience”. Most people who go to Kuwaiti blogs are Kuwaitis themselves.

    Finally, I prefer to remain an anonymous coward for certain reasons, and therefore not email you.

  27. I’m not making excuses or anything but I’m really finding a hard time placing myself in one of your categories cuz I really want to. However, if there’s a category for a blogger who reviews a lot of stuff, then I’ll happily place myself in 😀

  28. 28 k

    Anonymous Coward:
    Since Kuwaitblogs is written/hosted in English, its no surprise that the majority are English bloggers. And surprisingly, most of the Arabic-political bloggers that I have come across are quite fluent in English. As I said, they prefer Arabic to reach the intended reader.

    I know of one blogger who has two different ‘persona’s’; one blog is in Arabic detailing intricate political posts. While the other is an English diary of forwards and youtube videos. And I am basing the worldwide audience theory on my personal stats .. I tend to have more readers from outside of Kuwait.

    As for being an anonymous coward .. you haven’t really pushed any buttons yet to fill the role. 😉

    Angelo:
    Thats actually a good thing .. I might make the next ten about the characteristics blogs I actually do read.

  29. 29 Anonymous Coward

    K,

    Since I am a not a blogger myself, I do not have the inside information or statistics that you or your fellow bloggers have, I based my arguments solely on my passive observations. therefore I conclude that my argument is invalid because its based on ignorance.

    Thank you for your time

  30. 30 k

    Anonymous Coward:
    Not everything is as it seems in blogger world .. 😉

  31. 31 H

    Hilarious K.. !!!
    i love it !!
    glad u posted it !!!

  32. great post 😀
    and marzouq is definitely # 9

  33. I like it a lot and I want you to categorize me and my blog….please
    note “I found my self categorized under, The “I am not a stereotypical” Kuwaiti-Blogger. the only difference is that I’m not Kuwaiti”

  34. 34 Khasyani Khaysa

    What blog is missing is the kind that is critical of the extremist islamists in kuwait that are quickly eroding our liberties and rights that are guaranteed in our kuwaiti constituion.

  35. 35 Purgatory

    I think I will start posting in a third language so that people can understand me better.

  36. 36 k

    H:
    Thanks .. I just needed to do some final touches.

    vampire:
    Marzouk is 9 and 5 now ..

    Muh’d M. Mansour:
    You aren’t on Kuwaitblogs .. it doesn’t apply to you.

    Khasyani Khaysa:
    They make up a very small part of blogs .. not really worth the effort.

    Purgatory:
    Target Chinese or Indian blogs .. thats over 2 billion potential readers.

  37. 37 Ms.Baker

    What a hysterical post! Not to mention brilliantly written and laced with a biting and sarcastic wit 🙂

    P.S. Perhaps you need another category of blogger: “blogger-who-comes-off-as-slightly- pretentious-and-overeducated-but-well-meaning-and-unoffensive-with-occasional-incongruous-verbosity-unabashedly-on-display” ;P

  38. 38 k

    Ms.Baker:
    Lol ..Thanks! I will be sure to add that to the list .. try to come up with a 100 different type of Kuwaiti bloggers.

    I think Sushi (Comment #22) summed it up best .. I am glad I haven’t been attacked yet for being an elitist idiot. I will give it a day before people start calling me names (in ‘arablish’ nonetheless).

  39. 39 shopa

    and where do I fit?

  40. 40 Purgatory

    My bet is that you will be mentioned in newspapers before you get attacked, newspapers enjoy prepared lists. Come to think of it, I think you basically wrote an article for next month issue of Student Talk, which will appear under an alias (Q. The Q8-ia), just in case someone accuses them of stealing stuff, or maybe Bazzar?

  41. 41 k

    shopa:
    Based on name alone .. probably a 6.

    Purgatory:
    It wouldn’t be above student-talk to copy the post .. I should add ‘student-talk stole this article’ between every line since they don’t bother reading things they publish.

  42. wonderful, like you were in my mind, for each category i know one log at least and you just expressed all right.

  43. This post is hilarious, lol .. Funniest post I read on K.TheKuwaiti so far lol. But it’s good that you pointed this out for Kuwaiti bloggers, and maybe bloggers from other countries as well :-p

  44. liked the post, gonna copy and paste it like it is without additions to my blog 😛

  45. it sure made me laugh and I agree with purg you’ll probably see your entry in next month’s issue of Bazzar only not under your name lol

    I’m number 6, 8 (simply because I enjoy tags) & 9.

  46. 46 Bader

    Dude, it’s Merriam-Webster. Not Miriam-Webster.
    I guess you fall under category number 10.
    Cool blog though!

  47. 47 k

    آمنة:
    Thanks and you never know, MTC will be introducing telepathy soon.

    Amjad:
    Thanks, I am partial to my ‘Looking for love’ post as my personal favorite.. I am sure some categories could apply to most bloggers, especially those in the Middle-East.

    Flippa X:
    You should write for student-talk .. :p

    pearls:
    Hehe .. I should submit it before someone steals it, get my 20kd. 😀
    I wouldn’t classify you as a #6 or #9 .. you would need to post more often about boring things.

    Bader:
    Thanks .. I take it you don’t enjoy puns?

  48. 48 Barfy

    You should make one for commenter’s like me.

  49. 49 offmyhead

    Very funny, very well written. 10/10 .. I wish I could write like that, can I copy your post!

  50. 50 k

    Barfy:
    Maybe next time.

    offmyhead:
    Thanks! I just checked your blog .. great youtube videos, maybe one day you will get a comment, don’t give up just yet.

  51. 51 Rotten Blogger

    I have lost the right to post my own comments.

  52. 52 Nonblogger

    I think your post appeals to the younger generation.

  53. you forgot the people who rave and rant about their Macs

  54. 54 Rotten Blogger

    I like to leave comments that add nothing to the original post, like expired meat.

  55. 55 k

    Mentabolism:
    I think those bloggers are not just in Kuwait .. and they are especially annoying! 😀

  56. Hilarious. Fresh. Good enough to be in print media . .. WELL DONE!

  57. 57 holla

    Dude K you pretty much described like 90% of all bloggers, fuck blogging in general. Mark fits under 10 😀

  58. Very nice post, really should go in media as said

  59. 59 k

    Intlxpatr:
    Thanks .. find me somewhere worth printing it and I will submit it 😉

    Holla:
    There are a ton of good blogs on the net .. they just seem to be overshadowed by the bad ones.

    Bashar:
    Magazines/newspapers don’t like me much .. 😉

  60. 60 Maze

    hahahaha..loved it!…so i’m the you tube blogger…looool

  61. hahahahahaha
    ive been watching seinfeld episodes back to back all night and actually forgot the ability to laugh cuz my laugh threshold is way up there after watching so much seinfeld….right until i read this line:

    Post 4: 9:45 – A stranger came into my room. He said his name was “K” and that he is a blogger. He is choking me right now.

  62. 62 k

    Maze:
    Thats it? You are 3, 5, 8 and 9 .. 😀

    Delicately Realistic:
    Thanks .. Following up a Seinfeld marathon is a hard act to follow (no pun intended).

  63. 63 Flamingoliya

    Tell us how you classify 3baid, Ananyah, Hilaliya, q8techdrive(Cyberrowdy)and io81

  64. 64 k

    Flamingoliya:
    Er .. It would be a bit hard to classify them, they each have their own style of original content.

  65. 65 Khaos

    Please excuse my pedantry, but you’ve misspelled Merriam-Webster (Miriam-Webster). Just thought that’s it’s funny to misspell that particular word.

    I really don’t mean to mock you and I don’t mean to be an a-hole.

    I hope that you get the humor 🙂

  66. 66 Q8Sultana

    You could also have a category for non-Kuwaiti bloggers on kuwaitblogs, who have an unexplainable affinity towards Kuwait (like me). But are not Kuwaiti-wannabes (it’s a thin line)

    And of course the hater blogs, who just complain about Kuwait, yet don’t leave.

    Great post! (o:

  67. I’m just commenting to say that the above Flamingoliya (comment 63) is not me!

  68. 68 k

    Khaos:
    I did it on purpose for that category. 😉

    Q8Sultana:
    Thanks .. I think I might include that in version-2 .. the haters could fit into category 7.

  69. 69 TAT

    Brilliant this just proves that “the absence of evidence is not the evidence of absence!!!” this guy in boondocks

    I think we should expand this list and add: writing in small fonts with big caps with yellow and red on black backgrounds and cant read anything eligible on the site bloggers 😛

  70. 70 Flamingoliya-B

    sorry original kuwaiti flamingoliya. I have this nick for such a long time. but landed in kuwait few months back only. Apologies and will change my nick to something else.

  71. 71 Ay Kay

    Big ups to you home boy… ! 🙂

    Sums up my exact feelings/comments … we need more “real” people like you around.

  72. Hmmmm…. I wonder which category I fit in 😛

  73. Unfortunately I have shares in all those houses (10% each) 😀

  74. Interesting facts, hope this reaches out to all blogger.

  75. “””””””””””And please do not post about wanting to leave Kuwait because it is boring and you would much rather spend time playing pool in a shoddy little bar in Wichita.”””””””””””

    Right.
    I laughed out loud the first time i read it and i laughed out loud when i just re-read it.

    Awesome.

  76. Wow, I didn’t know about this post! LOL I’ve been guilty with at least 3 of the above. I think I need to go through your blog again, to see what other interesting posts you have 🙂


  1. 1 Z District » K’s Post
  2. 2 B’s Post. at K.TheKuwaiti.com
  3. 3 Category 5 « Mentabolism
  4. 4 Global Voices Online » Kuwait: Pictures, Sights and Events
  5. 5 ثمانية لا تعرفها عني « آمنة

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