Living the legend.

03Apr08

I enjoy both types of a good Will Smith movie, the ones where he is either the suave womanizer/action hero or the broke/depressed guy who rises above it all. You leave the film with an aura of feel-good nature, reminded how the world is a wonderful place with Will Smith. However, the latest depressed/hero guy movie fighting a horde of mutated vampires alone left me feeling quite normal as it was eerily similar to the current life I am living.

Keeping aside the cliché jokes about Lions running around Kuwait and gasoline costing next to nothing; The main correlation between my/our lives and I am Legend, is that the vampires in the movie are very akin to our current generation of misunderstood youths… the ‘others’. Aside from the obvious behaviors traits: the constant roaming (with no real goal), the ‘interesting’ hair styles and the need to invade public settings in droves when the sun sets. The ‘others’ also follow the same lack of purpose in life; as anyone has yet to see them shopping, eating or enjoying the endless pleasures of our just as endless malls. This leaves the majority of ‘normal’ outings severely limited to avoid the nuisance of the ‘others’.

Although… it is true, as ‘normal’ people, we get our Friday mornings, our bouts of shopping before noon and the strands of the day left for coffee after a quick lunch… However, as soon we begin to see the dusk, we find ourselves scurrying off to our homes, diwaniyas and secluded restaurants to escape the hordes of ‘others’ after the sun has set. The constant beeping of a wristwatch in the movie is a reminder to return home before the city becomes overrun with vampires. Many a times we have thought silently… Quickly, its 4.30… If we don’t leave now, they will catch us at the one of three parking exits of the Avenues and we will be stuck here all night listening to ‘dagnee’ from the once working speakers of a rusted Mustang.

Which led me to think… how can we resolve the issues with the ‘others’, as we do not have the pleasure of Will Smith scouring or streets for a cure. To which it dawned upon me, and for the sake of purchasing a pair of jeans before you go on a vacation or the occasional movie out; I suggest a truce with the ‘others’.

An initial draft of the requests:

  1. The ‘others’ can have all hair salons between noon and 5pm (except for Fridays) to create your hairstyles.
  2. The ‘normal’ people each have alternating days at the shopping malls of Kuwait; the schedule jumps betweens malls weekly.
  3. If a woman has any form of glitter on themselves, they are fair game for harassing. This goes double for any variation of the Hijab which contains the remnants of a Pringles can.
  4. No screaming, shouting, talking or lasers allowed at the Movie Theater; a discussion panel will be held afterwards to explain the storyline for confused viewers.
  5. The ‘others’ will abide to proper spelling of stickers and sentences, a service will be provided to fix common mistakes. If they are not capable of forming a sentence, they will be given a list of suggestive terms (Bob Marley, Tupac) to choose from.

What would be your additions to the list of requests?



26 Responses to “Living the legend.”

  1. 1 Sushi

    1. Raid starbucks with combat vampire swat team to eliminate escaped high-schoolers
    and retain the café’s original intended atmosphere.

    2. Nuke bikers that fancy polishing the streets with their symphonic tires at 3 am.

    3. Run over fat ugly women ( D front R manuver) that decide to pop in front of your
    car without prior notice and take the pace of turtles without any form of
    appreciation for your sudden life-threatening halt.

    4. Burn every “other” that starts clapping as soon as the airplane lands and use their
    ashes for recycled engine oil.

    5. Use garden hedge shears to slice off hijjabee’s cone heads to make better view in cinematic settings and for other aesthetic purposes (if you miss its ok).

    Kill and burn vampires, make this world a better place.

  2. 2 Purgatory

    I still think killing them all is better.

  3. 3 shopa

    For the 1st time I agree with Purg.

  4. I shall call “Sushi Elimination Technique”

    They should be slowly put to sleep, as to not to bother anyone else!

  5. This is a post that will go down in history …

  6. 6 ahmed

    hilarious, excellent article. right on the money! We would love to reprint it in bazaar magazine. Let me know if thats alright with you.

  7. 7 liluaokalani

    I had to write an essay about this phenomenon Kuwait is currnetly suffering from for one of my classes. the attack of these so-called “vampires” has ruined any outing i have been on because of: a)) their loud and extremely lame-ass music, b)) their numbers which could suffocate anybody in a mall and c)) like you said their hairdos (which i just see as pathetic attention seekers). anyway us ‘others’ could get a chance to visit any cultured place because those idiots wouldn’t find such locations as a potential courting ground in which they would display thier ruffled feathers.

  8. 8 Farhad

    The hairdos I think are hilarious.

    You see them trim, shave, style that to perfection. Only to realize that 50 of them have the same exact cut and look.

    Makes it easier to pick them out I say.

  9. 9 no3ik

    ummmmmmmm very interesting ..
    i would suggest bannishing them.

  10. 10 MBH

    Knots (3gd) & geez are increasing ever exponentially… I have no idea where they breed, especially after the governement have changed the license plates now, so we no longer know to which area we could relate them :/

    No one can enjoy the beautiful weather of our spring season; none of its 7 days! Gardens, malls, public walking places, sea side, jam3iat el ‘6a7ya (shesalfa be l’6ab6?? 39eer el ‘6a7ya feeh 7asheesha?!?)

    You know what would make Kuwait a better place? Paid streets: To access the gulf street, one must pay 2 K.D. (or more since now prices have gone up). This grants the person to pass the street ONE WAY.

  11. 11 Abdullah

    I don’t know, why guys make them a “BIG DEAL” , you see them in the street that a good 20 min conversation with your friends , it will spice up the “6al3a” , otherwise we will be talking about the same boring stuff again and again. Go Others!

  12. 12 alonso

    I got this by email, I think it is just awesome! You know you didnt get credit for it… just thought you should know

  13. 13 k

    Sushi:
    I take it your not a fan of the ‘others’ ..

    Purgatory:
    Hitler much?

    shopa:
    Inside .. everyone agrees with Purg, which is actually quite scary.

    Marzouq:
    You could pit them against each other ala UFC and put the money towards rehabilitation centers.

    Lailay_q8:
    Thanks!

    ahmed:
    You have mail..

    liluaokalani :
    Its the degeneration of society .. and we are stuck on the sidelines watching.

    Farhad:
    I suggested copyrighting the *style* ala professional clowns .. Women who wear Hijab’s with tons of makeup could also benefit from copyrighting their *style*.

    Abdullah:
    Its a big deal when they interfere with your life .. otherwise I could care less. You spend 20 minutes talking about hair styles every time you go out?

    alonso:
    Next thing you know its going to be copy/pasted into Student Talk with someone else’s name.

  14. Hellos K,

    just wanted you to know we installed a new cool ass bitorrent/gnutella/edonkey/ares/youtube caching system in Qualitynet like a week ago >:-)

    and it works beautifully. ahhhh.

  15. 15 k

    Falantan:
    More info! Are you traffic shaping or just caching for faster content?

  16. K:
    No shaping whatsoever. We’re only shaping p2p traffic in times of emergency like some STM1 links are down for a couple of days or the like. This is pure transparent caching.

    in other words. not less bittorrents, but MORE bittorrents 😉

    its been running for almost a week now, and generating close to a whole STM1 out of its disks. and expected to go more than that once the disks are more full.

  17. 17 the11thmuse

    power to the people

  18. Where can I sign up to volunteer for Sushi’s list? I would REALLY like to do #1; since I go to Starbucks to relax, read the paper, perhaps work a bit and have to deal with these degenerates.

  19. 19 mutmut

    wow.. that was fucking brilliant.

  20. 20 Sushi

    555-SushiMassacre. Call.

  21. r u talking about teenagers? or trashy people in general? hmmm the avenues has all kinds of people..r u talking about crowded places in general? like za7ma? i believe they’re here for a reason, and the owners of avenues and soog alsalmiya agree with me, where’s the fun if all people were not the others…normal people scan you up and down and gossip like hell, and they film you with their vulture’s eyes..
    having said that, i wonder if the others will also raid the erm, more luxurious future extension of the avenues

  22. 22 Hope

    hehe I just simply avoid going out all together. If I did go out it would be Friday morning.

    The ‘Others’ are all over the world but in Kuwait they just seem so much because Kuwait is small..

  23. 23 Hashem

    Touché, K.. great post…

    someone is going to end up making Failaka into a gated community, and you’ll get weekly reports of people drowning to get there, like Cuban immigrants trying to get to Florida…

  24. I don’t know if you know but your post has been published in Bazaar mag May issue. If you do know Congrats, otherwise, you should check it out
    and they do reference you 🙂

  25. 25 ok

    Your a legend, keep posting please!

  26. All right I’m confused. Is this post about I Am Legend or Lost? This “others” talk is confusing dude. All I think about when I hear “others” is Ben Linus and crew. On another note, Purgatory is right. Killing them is so much better. Just think of all the possibilities! Streets would be less crowded, females wouldn’t be harassed as much, and, this is the best thing, our overall IQ would rise.


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